103.9...

...was my temperature all weekend. I was planning on a romance or two, I'd even settle for a misadventure with a Tsingtao up my sleeve, but the Strep Monster kicked me in the throat before any of those fun things happened. So I was bedridden at my parents house all weekend, recording a new kind of misery:


-Me and Dad:
 1.) I told Dad about a weird dream I had. It involved the Space Shuttle and a King sized bed. Dad said it was because I was sleeping in the room next to the piano.

2.) There was a good hour and a half when we held back tears watching August Rush.

3.) I had to explain why I was sleeping naked.

4.) Dad buried his head in his hands when I laughed telling the doctor "It hurts to swallow."

5.) At the end of Close Encounters both me and Dad said "The mothership looks like a boob."

6.) The car ride to the after hours office is a thirty minute drive. All a father and son could manage for that long time alone was a forced conversation about frames.

7.) Dad asked me if I have seen the shotgun. Not like have I ever seen. He meant have I seen it since he can't find it anymore. You can not lose shotguns. Or babies.

8.) I shook Dad's hand when he made me a bagel

9.) I caught my Dad watching Ghost Whisperer.

10.) There's no way to be sure, but I think me and Dad planned a shopping day.

Me and Mom:
1.) Mom kept trying to spoon feed me honey.

2.) There was a documentary on PBS about how baby spiders eat their mother. With a mouthful of pudding I said "That's what they get for having kids!" and Mom said, "It'll be the last meal they'll have since they probably can't cook for themselves."

3.) I had  to explain why I was sleeping naked again.

4.) Awkwardly, I sidestepped any inquiries as to why my Sundays remain churchless.

5.) Mom let me try on a pair of her gloves. She said "Don't say I never did anything for you."

6.) Mom likes to ask me very personal questions while I am coughing up mucus. Then she says I'm ignoring her.

7.) Me and Mom share an interest in prison shows.

8.) Movies me and Mom watched: Pride and Prejudice, Pride and Prejudice, The Little Mermaid, Hellraiser 4, Baby Geniuses. Hey, at least I got Little Mermaid in there.

9.) Mom sat me down and very solemnly told me she no longer likes Mel Gibson.

10.) Mom said I remind her of J.M. Barrie, who has been dead since 1937.