...then my opponent would be a seven foot juggernaut with a right arm made of the two parking tickets I got this month and I'd take a left haymaker, gloved laced with the D- I got in Criminology, square to my jollies. Let's not forget that little dish I picked up from the airport who had the NAH-erve to say I argue too much. She'd be the rattle snake that bit me in my white ass before I even got in the ring. So as that poison is settling in my system, I fester in a Latin American philosophy class, stewing in my tandem thoughts:
1.) Nothing says you've missed the mark more than when you see Ringo Star when you look in the mirror.
2.) Apparently the word 'finite' is pronounced fine-ite. Thank you college.
3.) Nostradamus is a dick.
4.) The last time I seriously worked out was 2007.
5.) Why is Professor Xavier confined to a wheelchair when he can move anything with his mind?
6.) Dolph Lundgren was born to play Ivan Drago.
7.) Maybe the kid in front of me keeps fidgeting because he knows I'm looking at his three chins.
8.) One chin plus two chins equals C student.
9.) Professor quote: "Having sex with a book is not like having sex with an animal."
10.) I don't own the textbook for this class.
11.) You can tell when my professor got laid because her hair is messy and she can't work the projector.
12.) R.I.P Old Dirty Bastard.
13.) All Greek philosophers had lots of butt sex. Socrates + Credo 4ever!
14.) Since I've been awake, I have probably told 8,000 lies.
15.) I've never had an Irish friend.
16.) Plato said knowledge is infallable. I can't spell infallable.
17.) After much deliberation, the girl next to me is very doable.
18.) She just offered to let me use her book. I said "it's all you," and put my hand on my thigh. What?
19.) During the break I went to the bathroom. My fear of peeing in public places is fading.
20.) My fear of spiders remains.
21.) My mom went on a spree of buying rosaries. There is something very blasphemous about that.
22.) The smartest guy in this class also has the longest sideburns.
23.) No one said 'Bless you' when I sneezed just now. The world is cold.
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